The Opportunity of Betrayal; Deepening Faith
Thursday, August 25, 2011, was a beautiful, hot summer day in the Toronto area with soft winds and bright sunshine. Normal in every sense. I went to work, came home, and set up for youth group to attend that evening at our house. My husband was going to band practice after work, so I had some time to myself after the youth left. My own three kids were all away at overnight camp that week. Splendid! I poured a glass of wine and noticed that we were out of milk for my beloved coffee in the morning. I quickly gabbed my keys and bag to head out to the local drug store when I heard the door open and there was my husband in the hallway. I glanced at the clock on the microwave, shocked that it was only 11:15pm. That summer he was out most evenings till way past midnight with band practices, hockey, and work events. Delighted, I danced past him and suggested he pour a glass of wine and we could have "date night" when I got back. Little did I know that twenty minutes later I would be delivered the most crushing news of my life and shattered in ways that I never knew I could be broken!
Upon arriving home, I could tell by the look on my husband's face that something was very wrong. Still holding the carton of milk and bottle of Tide he shared that he had been having an affair with a staff member at the church we had been attending. SHOCKED was putting it mildly! With a holy rage that welled up inside me I chucked that carton of milk and Tide at him putting a hole in our wall. In a matter of seconds my life, as I knew it, was over. I was in a complete free fall with nothing to hang onto. I had no road map for this type of crisis. This was not supposed to happen! Not to us, NOT TO ME! I smashed every wedding photo of us from the top of the stairs and screamed such profanity I didn't even know I could utter! Exhausted, we both did something normal; we folded the laundry on the bed and quietly went to sleep. At least he did, I just stared at the clock then, finally at 6am, I looked up 'what to do after an affair' on my phone and wept. My husband quickly called our pastor who showed up within minutes. The three of us drank coffee, hugged, cried, and mapped out a plan for our recovery. I will never forget the saving words he said to me in the wee early hours that Friday morning, "Stephanie you have biblical grounds for divorce, but I really don't think that's God plan for you." Those words made an imprint on my heart. I clung to them so often in the months and years to come during our recovery and restoration.
During our recovery I dug into God's word and had the most intimate conversations with Jesus. Even though my husband had broken his vows and was not faithful, God never stopped being faithful. His goodness, tenderness and absolute love carried me on the days when I could barely get out of bed. When I couldn't speak, due to the flood of tears that soaked my face and anger that choked my throat, Jesus held me. He wept with me and for me. I felt intimately connected to Him in his humanness being betrayed, battered, and broken. I have never felt so known and understood as I did then, feeling like I had a front row seat into the emotional person of Jesus. Yet He remained faithful and connected to his source, his father God who supported Jesus, his child, even in his worst hour. My heart bled the same way as his. Suddenly in my deepest, darkest time I felt His hand lift me out of my muck and mire, he put me on solid ground and gave me a new voice, a new mission, a new mind, and heart. God audibly asked me to be a Beacon for Him, to which I obediently answered, "I will, Lord". He told me to stay with him (my husband) and He would help me. Which He did. Every single time when I thought I just couldn't hang on another minute, something would happen! A text from a friend, a worship song on the radio, a passage of scripture would appear in my mind, someone would drop off a meal - it was incredible! Healing was happening. Joy, even in my suffering, was being experienced! Our church community showed up. They surrounded us, my husband and I, with love, grace, kindness, support, and prayer. It was like being in the actual presence of Jesus.
A few years after "Redemption Day" (we celebrate this day every year to honour God in His rescue and restoration of our marriage) I felt the nudge to start a ministry called Psalm 40 Gathering where women could come together to share their personal stories of hardship and struggle and how God, in his faithfulness, heard their cries and gave them a firm place to stand. To share the hope of Jesus in their own restoration and provide encouragement to other women that they weren't alone. It's been six years since that event first started and I'm honoured to still lead this today at Springvale Church.
I also went one step further in my obedience to the Lord. In 2016 I left my very glamorous, lucrative job in the fashion industry to become a life coach to help others who are feeling lost and unsure of their identity to feel encouraged, confident, and whole in their own life. And, of course, I called my practice Beacon Coaching to reflect that promise that God asked of me back in the fall of 2011. I am grateful, not that the affair happened, but for the growth it gave me in myself, my marriage, and my relationship with Jesus. We are stronger and happier today than ever! Miracles do happen, praise God!
