Redefining Greatness
By Chelsea Gomez, Photographer
I love reading people’s bios.
That’s because I have this odd curiosity of trying to put together someone’s professional trajectory by analyzing the bullet points of their life’s great achievements. It’s my way of figuring out the roadmap of how to get where I want to go based on how someone else did it.
And while we would all love a straight shot to the life we want, most people have much more windy paths. And sometimes complete hard stops.
So what do we do when we come to a bend; when our desires feel like they’re at war in our heart?
I have a very vivid memory of my 16 year-old self being asked what my biggest fear was. Even at that young age I had jumped on the “girls can do anything so don’t settle” bandwagon. My response set my own future in motion - “I fear that I will be inconsequential.” That’s code for I want to be important.
Growing up I was very artsy, but most of my creative energy I focused on photography. I worked at a photolab and I spent hours in my school’s darkroom developing my own black and white films. While I loved it, photography seemed like a smaller career - not what I had built up as important. So I tucked it away in my list of hobbies and instead strove for something grander. Something that would be world-changing. The biggest thing I could do.
I picked the political courses not because I loved politics but because I was going to change governments. I worked overseas because I wanted to make sure I was making a global impact.
Whenever my husband is asked to tell the story of how he met me, he loves to quip, “I met her as an activist, dated her as a defender of kids in war and married her as a journalist.”
That’s because those are the bullet points of my professional history. I advocated for the poor in Latin America with Habitat for Humanity. I campaigned for ending the use of child soldiers with General Romeo Dallaire, and I dove into journalism as an investigative journalist with CBC.
During the years when my career was unfolding, I always had my camera tucked in my bag. I documented my adventures, the incredible people I met, and the wonderful cultures I was able to experience. It was present, but not my focus.
But 7 years ago I realized that the single-greatest thing that will cause you to question everything is becoming a mother. When you go home with a newborn you are now responsible for a life, not just keeping it alive but raising up a new generation. That is a heavy weight, but I had done hard things before and I knew I could do this new thing and keep my demanding career.
I expected the late nights and heavy deadlines. I expected crying babies and demanding editors. What I didn’t expect was not doing either parenting or my career with the level of excellence I wanted because there was simply not enough time in the day.
I found myself at a crossroad, and I was not prepared for the inner battle that would wage in my heart and mind for over 4 years - I wanted to raise my children well, but I wanted to do important things. Remember, important things. Not mothering, but important things.
The thought of leaving the national broadcaster felt like I was slamming a door on a huge part of my identity. The identity of being a journalist, an investigator, someone with klout, a legal team, unlimited potential around the world, access to the biggest names in Canadian journalism.
But I knew that if I decided to keep this incredible career where I was validated and had a national audience, I would need to accept that I would not be present in my kids lives as they grew up. And that choice broke me.
I knew in my heart which decision I needed to make, but I needed God to re-define what I had come to believe was important.
As I’ve paused my official work in the workforce I’ve realized the extent to which women of my generation have been conditioned to devalue everything except advancing our careers. Ever increasing paycheques, larger audiences, bigger promotions, awards, acknowledgements. All these accomplishments are wonderful, but when we overinflate them in our minds we invariably must devalue other things, which sadly, often means we have devalued raising the next generation well.
The reality is we can’t do it all, and we were never meant to.
Thankfully God has helped me value and honour the work I do with my boys, the importance of our decision to homeschool, the beautiful community we have built with families that have similar vision and goals.
He has done that while also graciously allowing me to understand that in the same way our calendar year is seasonal, there is a seasonal rhythm to our lives as well. I can see that to be true in my past and I have faith that seasons will shift in my future too.
Through this season God has allowed me to pick up my camera once more. Not as a side hobby, but as a vehicle to tell important stories. It doesn’t matter if I am important or not. I am walking forward with a greater conviction that we all have spheres of influence and circles of importance around us. Big and small. Local or global. Personal or at large. The camera that I once set aside in pursuit of greatness has now become my greatest method to tell stories.
So as we read people’s bios may we remember that we are not seeing that person’s seasonal life pattern. There is more to read between those highpoints. So as God pulls you away from old things and towards new things, take a breath and enter the season understanding the beauty that is before you.
I have a line I often repeat when I’m asked if I’ll go back to journalism. “Oh yes someday I will. When my kids don’t want to be around me as much as they do now.”
At the moment God is guiding my moves. He directs my work. He knows my heart. And I have full confidence that he is directing me toward stories that are meant to be seen through me and my lens.
Chelsea Gomez is a portrait and documentary photographer in Hamilton, Ontario. If she doesn’t have a camera in her hand, she probably has a hammer since she is always building something. That or out hiking with her sons! To see more of her work visit www.chelseagomezphotography.com or sign up for her weekly note about all things beauty and photography at The Framed Life. You can also follow her on IG at @chelseagomezphotoraphy
